Does Your Child Fear Mistakes? You Might Be Praising Too Much!

As parents, we want our children to feel loved, confident, and capable. We celebrate their successes and tell them how special they are. But sometimes, in our eagerness to encourage them, we focus too much on their talents rather than their efforts.

I remember my mom used to praise me for a lot of things. She would say, "Wow, son! Your drawing is so great! You're so cool!" or "You're amazing at that! You’re really gifted!" It felt good—like I was special, like I didn’t need to try too hard because I was just naturally good at things.

But as I grew older, I noticed something. When things got tough, I hesitated. If I wasn’t instantly good at something, I felt like I wasn’t meant for it. I started avoiding challenges because I thought, “What if I’m not amazing this time?”

While being naturally gifted is wonderful, it’s hard work, patience, and determination that truly help children grow. When kids learn that effort matters more than talent, they become more resilient, willing to try new things, and confident in their ability to overcome challenges.

Why Effort Matters More Than Talent

• Hard Work Builds Strength – Children who put in effort develop patience and perseverance.

• Mistakes Become Learning Opportunities – Instead of fearing failure, they learn to grow from it.

• Confidence Comes From Progress – Knowing they can improve with practice makes them believe in themselves.

The Problem with Overpraising Talent

It’s natural to tell our kids, “You’re so smart!” or “You’re amazing at that!” But too much praise on talent alone can sometimes have the opposite effect.

• Fear of Making Mistakes – Children may avoid challenges because they don’t want to risk failing.

• Expecting Success Without Effort – If kids believe they are naturally good at something, they might not see the need to work hard.

• Stubbornness and Resistance – Some children may struggle to accept correction or guidance if they feel they already "know best."

How to Encourage Effort in a Loving Way

• Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome – Instead of saying, "You're so talented!", try "I love how you kept trying until you figured it out!"

• Celebrate Small Steps – Every bit of progress is worth recognizing.

• Teach the Power of "Yet" – If your child says, "I can't do this," remind them to say, "I can't do this yet, but I'm learning!"

• Model Hard Work – Show them that you also put in effort to grow and improve.

• Make Learning Fun – Turn challenges into exciting adventures rather than stressful tasks.

We-Learn Takeout: A Quick Bite of Wisdom and Learning

Instead of praising just talent, focus on effort and perseverance. Try saying:

✔ "I love how you kept trying even when it was hard!"

✔ "You worked so hard on that, and it really paid off!"

✔ "Mistakes help us learn. What can we do differently next time?"

By shifting our praise, we help children embrace challenges, develop patience, and build confidence—not just in their talents, but in their ability to grow. Because in the long run, sipag at tiyaga (hard work and perseverance) matter more than just talent.

More than talent, we want our children to be strong, kind, and confident in their abilities. When we focus on effort, we teach them that success isn’t about being the best—it’s about doing their best. And with that mindset, they will be ready to take on the world with courage and joy.

What’s one way you encourage effort in your child today?

How do you usually praise your child?

• You're so smart!
• I love how hard you worked on that!
• You didn’t give up, and it paid off!